Everyone loves a great story, right? We read books and magazines, we go to the movies, we listen to the elders in our families tell us stories. Some stories are a reflection of our own lives and others are fanciful and fun. They make us laugh, cry, jump with fear and get us excited. Almost every emotion available can be invoked through a great story. Each person journeys through life with their own unique story that is touched in a multitude of ways to the stories of others like the weave of a multi layered fabric.
So, what are the elements of a story?
Every moment has its own story with a beginning, middle and end: a microcosm of the total life story. Like the bricks in a building they are stacked one upon the other to form the foundation, the walls, the roof, the building that we call our home. Moments turn in to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, days to years, to our lifetime.
In the context of your current lifetime your story begins at birth. In itself the story of your birth is a subset of the story of your mother and father. What happens during your birth is uniquely yours ....
Welcome to 2019!
Do you feel like you have had a break?
So many people I have talked to so far have told me that they just took a deep breath out when they finished off what they were doing in the last days of 2018 and had a really relaxing time with family, friends, or just on their own.
Others, had a great break yet is was so stuffed full of running this way and that to meet the needs of everyone that they don't feel relaxed and ready for the year. They still feel full up like the proverbial food coma many of get at Christmas time.
You may have had time to sit and contemplate what is it that you really want to keep, be rid of , or bring in to your like (aka goals, vision boards, New Year’s resolutions) for 2019 and that's great.
If you did, here is a great tool for you to use to keep track of your progress during the year. You can download it, fill in the things you want to be consistent about achieving and put it up on the fridge.
If you haven't yet set your intentions for the year, it is never too late to take a few moments and stop and breathe, get comfortable and feel into what it is that will really serve you well this year.
These next six steps might help. (BONUS step at the end)
Have you ever had one of those weeks that totally tested your depth of patience, grit and persistence and made you wonder what the universe was trying to give you insights into in terms of what you might be resisting in life?
Since I learned to tap into all the information that is immediately available to me I am constantly noticing what is manifesting in my life and taking the opportunity to learn, grow and expand my awareness. By “information” I am not only talking about what you are getting from books, Facebook, the internet, I am talking about the plethora of information that comes from within your own being.
Your whole being is a library. Information comes from your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual bodies in the form of the thoughts you think, the emotions your feel, how this translates into what your body sensations are experiencing, and what your intuition is telling you. These responses come about as you relate to or react to what is happening in your outer world and give you massive clues as to your overall wellbeing and how well developed your overall “intelligence” is.
This week has been the perfect example of learning to relate and not to react to seemingly random circumstances.
In the midst of delivering a significant project that has time and budget limitations, I realised that I hadn’t seen my some of my family for nine months and was unlikely to see them for another nine months because Christmas plans were up in the air and a lot was happening.
Over the years I have learned the hard way (aka burn out) that there is never a good time to take time out of your schedule to recharge and reconnect with what is truly important.
The forecast on Friday had been torrential rain and there was some questions amongst the ranks if it was a good idea to brave the slippery bushwalking track between MacCleans Lookout and Heatons Lookout. In the end we decided that it would be a great chance to really test out the wet weather gear before most likely having to use in in New Zealand next year.
The track from McCleans Lookout to Heatons Lookout takes you through rainforest and leafy lined creeks with moss covered fallen trees, onto dry ridges, caves and magnificent views over Quorrobolong towards Cessnock. This is a section of the Great North Walk which runs from Newcastle to Sydney (250kms). Overcast and not too hot, the weather was perfect for walking and we were out with our backpacks toning up those walking muscles and getting ready to tackle the tracks in New Zealand.
The thing about creeks, leaf litter and moss is that it is the perfect haven for the delightful little creature called the leech. The leech has a tenacity for never giving up and seem to be able to find their way through the most difficult of barriers that a person might put in the way. Pants tucked in to socks, gaiters, nothing perturbs them and they inevitably find their way into the socks and between the toes, hitching a ride from one end of the track to another. Come to think of it they have all the positive traits that a person doing long distance multi-day hiking might need ..... consistent, persistent and resistant to people trying to tell them that they shouldn't be on this ride!!
The other thing about creeks and this walk is that we crossed several of them which meant we climbed steeply out of them and descended steeply back into them. The perfect training walk for long distance back packing. doing the Kepler and Routeburn tracks in the Fiordland South Isand of New Zealand.
We set off early and after a car shuffle we started out at 8.30am full of energy and glad to be out in the bush for the day. We had a lovely morning tea overlooking the Quorrobolong valley and made great time for lunch at Heatons Lookout with a well earned cuppa. Everyone had a chance to gauge where they were up to in the fitness readiness stakes, make any adjustments to equipment and break in the new hiking boots. There were great conversations as we all got to know each other and lots of support all round.
A great day out was had by all. Oh and thankfully there are no leeches in New Zealand !
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I woke this morning to the gentle patter patter of rain falling on our tile roof. I love that sound. It felt so gentle and nurturing and I lay their imaging how the soil was drinking and soaking it in after such a dry spell, how the plants were enjoying the moisture so that they could grow and other day, and I heard the birds frolicking joyfully in the trees.
It was like Mother Nature was shedding tears of joy for the world and bringing life, thousands of single tears that accumulate in ponds which flow into rivers, then lakes, then oceans.
So life supporting.
Sometimes, like this morning, the rain is gentle and nurturing. Other times it seems thunderous and angry in great swirling storms creating powerful torrents of water that sweep across the countryside. Then the storm recedes as quickly as it came.
Other times the rain just falls, for days, consistently and unrelentingly like the earth herself is heaving a great release and doesn’t stop until she is done. That release fills parched streams, dams and rivers - filling the cup of life.
In all of these moments of teardrops of rain Mother Nature is just doing what she needs to do when she needs to do it. Restoring the equilibrium and balancing the big picture.
It occurred to me that human tears are the same.
We shed tears of joy, love and happiness. We shed tears in short angry storms, in releasing grief and anxiety, in empathy for others. Our tears flow deeply from the rivers of our souls in joy, sadness and anger …. All expressions of what we need and are feeling at the time to bring equilibrium back into our lives.
And just like Mother Nature …. afterwards, when the tears have stopped, everything is greener, fresher, fuller and more vibrant.
The trouble is that Western society has taught us to hold back our tears and emotions. We have been trained to think that to shed a tear is a sign of “weakness”, that to show how we are feeling is in appropriate and unacceptable and something to be ashamed of.
Simon Sinek claims there are four factors contributing to a disturbing trend in statistics where the millennial generation is experiencing plummeting self-esteem, increases in addictive behaviour, depression, suicide and death due to drug overdoses. The first being failed parenting strategies which was discussed in Millennial Paradox - Part I - Helping Hand or Holding Back?
According to Simon Sinek the second reason for why you might be challenged when working with someone from the millennial generation is “technology”.
For starters I am prefacing this blog with the fact that I am Gen X and in terms of being social media savvy I am lagging behind in practice and also desire to fully embrace (and keep up with) social media in all its forms. Therefore I probably have some unconscious negative bias towards the ability to build relationships with people over social media.
Before I lose everyone under 33 right here ….. I challenge you to keep reading.
Have you ever felt like you were sinking? You are so busy with work, running around after the children, worrying about paying the bills, maintaining the family home, volunteering on the P&C that you feel like you are treading water with your head just breaking the surface. Everything seems out of balance and your centre of gravity is off.
Building a ship is like building a great life. If you don’t get the centre of gravity right you will sink like a ship
Getting the centre of gravity right in shipbuilding is paramount to launching a ship that floats. Many a naval architect has got it wrong only to find the ship moving down the slipway into the water and quickly either lists heavily to one side, or worst still sinks to the bottom before it even goes on its maiden voyage.
Shipbuilding provides a great analogy for life.
To build a ship you need a design and design checks, a plan, materials, resources and time to put it all together. Likewise to ensure a life that floats you need the same things. Most people don’t have one or more these elements and much of the time life is pretty hit and miss with people finding themselves in deep water on a leaky boat and in crisis mode where emergency help is required.
There are 5 basic stages to building a ship and your life:
Stage 1 – Design with the Life of Type in mind
In ship design, “Life of Type” means the expected lifespan of the vessel that is being designed and built. The Huon Class Minehunter vessels, for example, built in the late 1990’s in Newcastle were designed with an expected lifespan of 20 years.
Sometimes in life it feels like being in the trenches. You are standing in mud, feel like you are pinned down and stuck, backed into a corner, or have limited tools and resources to be able to get the kind of life you are seeking.
Your aspirations of buying a home, pursuing your hobbies, getting the promotion you want, or going on holidays seem so out of reach that you feel like flying the white flag and surrendering to your current lot in life and accepting mediocrity. Feeling this way can literally bog you down. You lose motivation, you start focusing on everything that is not working, even your posture changes as the weight of the world bears down on your shoulders. You start to think this must be as good as it gets.
Not so! It doesn’t have to be that way.
Firstly, you are never completely alone although it may seem like it at times. You just might not know where to look or what questions to ask. You are not the first person to ever think that you are the only one going through this. Here are four steps to getting out of the trenches and back into the flow of life:
Keep going and recognise that being in the trenches is a passing stage
Winston Churchill once said “If you are going through hell, keep going”, and they did and eventually the time in the trenches passed and the allies won the war.
There is one thing for certain. Time passes, seasons come and go and now might just be the time when you need to hunker down, batten down the hatches and ride it out. It is during these times that getting back to the fundamentals of life are important and getting back to looking after the simple things that make your life function on a day to day basis. Things like managing your time well, building long lasting relationships, watching your finances.
Recently I watched an interview with Simon Sinek explaining the millennial paradox and why you might be challenged when working with someone born after 1984. He claimed that there were four factors contributing to a disturbing trend in statistics where this generation is experiencing plummeting self-esteem, increases in addictive behaviour, depression, suicide and death due to drug overdoses:
Now I know plenty of well balanced, happy and responsible young people under 33 so I recognise that being categorised as a millennial in this context may seem like a gross injustice to you. In the same way that as a Gen X (that’s me) being tarred with the same general brush that my generation is typically being perceived to be disaffected and directionless ….. hmmm
But here’s the thing, you are likely to become parents too in the next few years so will your children befall the same increase in statistics as they say your generation is prone to?
The facts are that the statistics are rising which means there a greater proportion of young people experiencing depression and addictive behaviours than there was before (and probably across a broader generational range than we are talking about here).
Have you ever sat with a friend and they keep going over the same old negative stuff and don’t seem to be able to get past it?
Have you tried talking about a past issue, made some progress and feel like you have hit a wall in working it all out?
Can you openly talk about “it” without getting emotional but you think about “it” every waking moment with no respite when you are asleep?
Is everyone telling you to “get over it” and “it’s time you moved on” but it’s still stuck in your story and you feel like there must be something wrong with you?
Talking about past hurts and trauma is great and can help a lot of people and sometimes though it is not enough. Sometimes talking about it doesn’t bring the relief you thought it would or it only takes you so far.
That’s because your body still remembers what if felt like at the time.
Every experience we have from pure joy to absolute trauma invokes an emotional response which gets stored in your body at the cellular level. For example, when we experience the exhilaration of climbing to the top of a mountain or the warmth of a loved ones hug our body remembers elation, laughter, joy, love. Physically we stand tall, are relaxed, and feel pretty good with a warm glow spreading in our bodies when we recall the moment.
My passions are nature, people, and building cultures of cooperation, harmony, sharing and reverence for life. I enjoy working with people to help them understand themselves and others so they can reach their full potential in life.